Mommy: Jack, next week we're going to have our pictures taken.
Jack: And Grandpa?
Mommy: No. Because adding Grandpa would be too hard.
Jack: And adding Great-Gramma would be too soft.

I think that about a dozen times each day - I miss my mom.

But I really miss her right now. 

Jack started throwing up right before bed time. Eggs. It may have something to do with the fact that he ate ice off of the floor of McDonald's last night.

Anyway...

I really don't know what to do, other than to make sure he's comfy and clean. My mom would know. She was always really good with us when we were sick. Even when I was in NH, if I got really ill, I'd call her up and look for sympathy. 

I hope Jack is all right. He may have a fever in addition to the vomiting. He's been wretching off and on since 9 pm. The last couple of times, it's all been mucous. Sorry for sharing, but, like I said, I don't know what to do and I don't have my mom to ask. 

Max will likely take him to the doctor in the morning.  

It's been several days, but I don't want to forget too much. I brought my "real" journal to write in, but couldn't really do so in the dark. 

Monday was our final day at the parks. We had a character breakfast with Lilo and Stitch. I finally got my cake with a candle in it. And it was good! The whole buffet at the PCH Grill was excellent. It was included in our package, so I don't know how much people actually pay for it. Jack ate a whole omlette, which is unusual. 

We really wanted to make Monday count, and do the things we didn't get a chance to do before. Jack, however, was almost Disney-ed out. After he woke up from his nap, he didn't want to go back to the park. It took me patiently explaining to him that we wouldn't be coming back for a long time before he'd go.

We didn't get a chance to go on the Haunted Mansion, because the Fast Passes were gone. We did get Tinker Bell's autograph. We also waited to see the princesses again. We tried to convince Jack to go off with one of us on some rides, but he wouldn't go. He wanted to hug and kiss the pretty girls.

We went on the Jungle Cruise, which Jack kept saying he didn't want to go on, but loved when he actually did. Then, he and I rode the Disneyland Railroad while Max got seats for the fireworks. He got a spot directly in front of the castle. Perfect! It was a brilliant show, seeing it from there. 

After the fireworks, we ate a hurried dinner. Earlier, we'd stopped at the Lego store in Downtown Disney, and Jack got his souvenir for the day - a Lego plane. Max put it together for him when we got back to the hotel. I ate, and tried to get Jack to eat. Then, I put Jack down. Of course, he whined that he needed Daddy in the room to actually go to sleep, so I had to call Max, who was downstairs reading. Pick your battles, I always say.

Lowlights:

• Trying to convince Jack to go back to Disneyland, and feeling like I was dragging everyone there.
• Missing the Haunted Mansion.
• Waiting in another long line for the princesses, and not seeing Belle (my favorite).
• Jack's behavior, pre-nap. He ended up missing Goofy, who I found in our hotel lobby. 

Highlights:

• Jack playing "musical islands" with Lilo and Stitch.
• Seeing an impromptu parade on Main Street.
• The Fireworks!
• Riding the railroad with Jack, and him being so happy. I asked him if he was mad at me, and he said, "No. I'm happy at you."
•  They added piranhas to the Jungle Cruise. That was pretty cool.

I don't imagine we'll be going back anytime soon. It's rather expensive, and kind of a long trip, whether we fly or drive. I think maybe we should have waited another year before bringing Jack. I didn't realize how much he would need his nap during the days. 

It was nice to have a real vacation, though, and not have to worry about meeting anyone or checking email for work. 

Most of Sunday was, unfortunately, a lowlight. You see, Jack started the day by whining. He wanted to go on a ride, then he didn't. We essentially dragged him on to every ride in Fantasyland, and he enjoyed each ride, but he still whined. We ate lunch, then I took Jack back to the hotel for a nap.

Only Jack wouldn't nap. At all. I yelled at him. I held him. I tried to reason with him. I even tried the "I'm calling your father" trick. Only Max's phone wasn't working. So I spent 2 hours in a hotel room with a whining, crying, frustrated 3 year old, and I was also whining, crying, and frustrated. 

In short, I was a bad mother on Sunday.

We did ride Alice in Wonderland, the teacups (lots of fun!), Snow White, the Carousel, Peter Pan's Flight (way too long a line for way too short a ride), and Pinocchio. We did all of that in a few hours in the morning.

After we came back to Disneyland, we went to the rafts and rode to the Pirate's Lair on Tom Sawyer Island. I had always wanted to go over there, but my mom never would let us, and when I was older, no one else wanted to go. It was really cute. I think it would have been better if Jack were about 6 or 7. I felt like I had to be right with him the whole time, making sure he only went to places he was allowed to go and didn't get lost. We ended up on the Fantasmic stage, and Jack pretended to be Mickey for a moment. 

I think from the Island we went to ... well, why don't I just look at the pictures? Oh yes, we went to Critter Country, where we saw Brer Bear, Brer Fox, Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and Eeyore. We went on the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh ride, and then ate dinner. (I should say that Max and Jack ate dinner. I was hungry at weird times.)

After that, Jack was convinced that he wanted to go on the Matterhorn. I thought it might be too scary for him. I had forgotten a lot about it, and couldn't remember if I liked it or not. I went... and Jack was calmer than I was! It was cool, and I have to remember that it's up and then around and around, not down. I hate drops. Jack wanted to go on again, but the wait was 25 minutes, and Max wanted to go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. That was cool - I don't know when I'd been on that last. it was neater than the other, similar rides. 

After Mr. Toad, Max took Jack back to the hotel. I ended up getting into the FastPass line for Big Thunder Mountain. I went on in the first car by myself. BTM had been my favorite ride. I think I like it better during the day, and I definitely like it better with someone. I had a FastPass for the Haunted Mansion at 8:30, so I went to Main Street to eat dinner. I ended up getting an apple that was dipped in caramel, chocolate, and sprinkles, that looked like Minnie. It was $8 and it was delicious!

I did a little bit of shopping, including buying myself a cute Winnie the Pooh shirt, and a Cars shirt for Jack.

Went on the Haunted Mansion, which was AWESOME! So much better than when it's the "real" mansion. You see, they dress it up for the holiday - Christmas. It's the Nightmare Before Christmas. I really wanted to take Jack on, but we couldn't get to it on Monday. Next time.  

I went out of the park then, and saw a bit of the fireworks as I did so. 

Highlights:

• Getting almost all of Fantasyland done.
• The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh - Jack wanted to go on that one again too.
• Meeting Eeyore.
• Jack's reaction to the Matterhorn. "We went fast!"
• The Haunted Mansion.
• Finally getting to Tom Sawyer Island.

This post could also be titled "California Adventure Day One" or "Robyn's 34th Birthday". I was far too tired last night to write a post then.

I had never been to California Adventure. The last time we were here was 2000, and it was still being built. It was all right. Kind of spread out, and not really sure what it wanted to be, I think. It's part MGM and part Disney Boardwalk (in FL). 

Lowlights:

• Jack being contrary about many things. "Yes, I want that. No, I don't."
• Someone dropped a door on me while I was carrying our lunch tray, and I spilled my tea on my chicken sandwich.
• There just wasn't enough time to do everything in a calm, leisurely manner.
• HUGE LONG LINE for Toy Story Midway Mania.
• Squeezing in to Disneyland for Fantasmic.
• I did not get cake for my birthday. :(

Highlights:

• Fantasmic! It was much improved from 1999, at least as far as I remember.
• Jack's first "play". We saw Aladdin. It was pretty terrible, though the Genie was fun. Jack really enjoyed it though, and was upset that we didn't see any "real people" today. 
• Soarin Over California. I've been wanting to go on that ever since I saw it on the Travel Channel. I have to admit, I was scared when it began and I had to close my eyes for parts of it. 
• The Pixar Play Parade, although neither WALL*E nor UP was a part of the parade. 
• In Turtle Talk with Crush, Crush sang Happy Birthday to me. 'Cha!

We started out with the Monsters Inc. ride, which was enjoyable. The boss lady (Roz) sang Happy Birthday to me. We then tried to go on Muppetvision 3D, but Jack didn't want to. So we went to Turtle Talk with Crush. NO ONE was there. There were maybe 15 people in the theater, so we had a great time. One of the kids asked how many kids Crush had, and he said 65. The kid asked the names of his kids, and the turtle had to come up with 65 names. It was fun! Jack got to talk to Crush too. When Crush asked his name, Jack said, "Jackson Louis Chittister". Of course, he said it "Jah-sen Luz Chi-iser", so Crush was a bit confused. Crush called me "Rockin' Robin". It was cool.

After Crush, we tried again to go on Muppetvision, but Jack didn't want to go. We went to a bug's land, which was OK. Jack really liked the lady bug ride. The bumper cars were a let down. Jack threw a fit about going on the balloons. Oh! We did get to see Mr. and Mrs. Incredible, and got their autograph. (But we discovered we forgot to get Tinker Bell and Silver Mist on Friday). 

OK, this is getting way long. We saw Aladdin, thanks to priority seating from AAA. Jack really enjoyed it. We had lunch, then Jack and Max went back to the hotel and I went on the single-rider line for Soarin'. I walked back through Downtown Disney and bought myself some earrings. I had wanted to get gifts for a lot of people here, but the prices are insane! 

I took a nap with Jack, and we got back to CA in time for the Pixar Play Parade. Max had come back over early to get good seats. He got me stickers and a pair of scissors that cuts Mickey ears for my birthday. Jack got a book. Jack also picked out his souvenir - Minnie ears. We finally did get to do Muppet Vision, and Jack said it was "good". He thought parts of it were really fun. He was jazzed by the 3D. 

We got dinner from 2 different places, then headed to Toy Story Mania. The line was huge. We didn't get to do anything other than that. We went over to Disneyland to see Fantasmic, but everyone else had the same idea. We were squoosed in with a lot of other people. I couldn't see too well, but it was well enough. Max had Jack on his shoulders. Jack enjoyed Fantasmic. I think he was too tired to truly appreciate it, maybe. I dunno. We rushed on to Pirates of the Caribbean. Jack didn't want to go on, but we pretty much made him. Well, they changed the ride entirely, so there are a couple of drops and it's much scarier. I felt terrible about misleading him. When we got off the ride though, he crowed that Pirates was his favorite ride. Weird kid. 

We tried to have cake, but the cake was this weird chocolate mousse that had been out all day. Yuck! I actually returned it. When we went back to the hotel, I tried to get an ice cream sandwich, but the kiosk was closed. 

Now, I have to do a blog post for AdoptionBlogs.com, so today's update will have to wait 'til tomorrow. 

Today didn't go quite as I had hoped.

Highlights:

• Being in the park before almost anyone else.
• Meeting Minnie and Mickey both within about 15 minutes.
• Watching Jack get into getting autographs of the characters.
• The new It's a Small World. 
• Finally getting to go on the submarine.
• Main Street Mocha Sundae for Mommy, Cotton Candy for Jack (see new icon, courtesy of Daddy nppyinzer ).
• Halloween Fireworks show.
• Getting picked for the conga line in the Main Street Parade.
• The woman at the Oribter finding Jack's glowing necklace. (The poor kid was in tears, and said "She will find it. Someone's sitting on it. She will find it. And she did! Good thing, because we impressed upon him how much he could not lose the thing, as we bought it specifically to last all 4 nights.)

Lowlights:

• Waiting about an hour to see the princesses, and we only got to see three (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Jasmine). Fortunately, those are Jack's favorites, but still, for that long a wait, you'd think you'd get to see more princesses.
• Finding that everything is so expensive! The princess dresses are $65! I want to get personalized ears for my French manager's kids, but the ears are $16 each. 
• We went on four rides from 9 am to 4 pm. 
• No Main Street Electrical Parade. :(
• Meltdown Jack. 
• Jack losing his glowing necklace. 

The wait for the monorail this morning was silly, as we could have walked, but it was rather nifty. I'd never been on the monorail before. It takes you from Downtown Disney to Tomorrowland. Disneyland Hotel is essentially in Downtown Disney, so it's pretty cool. 

We had Morning Magic with Mickey tickets, saw a special show, and got to meet Mickey and Minnie before they opened ToonTown for the rest of the park. I hadn't been to ToonTown since it opened, when I was somewhere between 10 and 13. Oh! And Jack got a "First Visit" button, so cast members and characters were very chatty with him. 

As soon as we met M & M, Jack wanted to go on the submarine. The submarine used to be the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride. My mom wouldn't go on it, because she was afraid of closed spaces. When we were older, the ride was closed. They re-opened it as the Finding Nemo ride sometime within the last 5 years. Jack and I watched a video of it on YouTube. Some of it was dark, and scared Jack, but in the end he liked it all right. 

Even for a Friday in September, there were a lot of people around. The wait for the sub was about 30 minutes, and it's a 20 minute long ride, so once we did that, Max was ready for lunch. There's some construction, Jack needed to go to the bathroom, and it took us forever to find said bathroom. Jack was all about going on Pirates of the Caribbean until we got into Adventureland, at which point he said he wanted to see the princesses. So, we did a reverse and went to Fantasyland. On the way, we saw some of the bad guys, and waited in line to see them - Cruella DeVil (who was awesome! from 101 Dalmatians), the Old Hag (Snow White), and Jafar (Aladdin). They were joined by the Evil Queen (Snow White) and the Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland). The wait for the princesses was an hour.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Jack woke up at about 4:30 this morning. Max was awake with him. After the princesses, we literally walked on to It's a Small World. I love how they've redone it! They've placed some of the characters in as puppets. Max missed out, as he was getting drinks. 

We then went to see Tinker Bell, which was another 20 minute wait. Max got FastPasses for Buzz Lightyear. Jack and I went on the Orbiter (rockets), which actually freaked me out. I couldn't bend my knee to fit in the seat properly, and I felt like I was going to spill out. After that, we saw the parade, and Jack got brought out for the conga line. I had to push my way through to join him. (I asked a woman if she could stand in front of her so he could see better.) It was a neat parade, but I think next time, we might want to get there on time. 

Jack was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open, and my knee was really distressed. Max and Jack walked back to the hotel, while I went to the monorail. I took a brief detour by walking on to Star Tours, which is one of my favorite rides. NOTHING about it has changed since it opened when I was about 10. On the one hand, it's nice. On the other hand, the production values are dated. I determined that, even if we could smuggle Jack on (you have to be 40 inches and he's barely 38), I don't think he'd like it.

I did take the monorail back and used Jack's nap time to take a dip in the spa and pool. It really helped my knee.

Unfortunately, the schedule didn't help Jack. He woke up crankier than ever before. He literally cried when other people got on the elevator with us, when we went downstairs to get some juice. We had to search for a bit to find a place for dinner. We ate EPSN Zone, which was surprisingly kid-friendly, and not too overpriced, as Disney venues go. 

Jack's behavior improved enough that we went back to the park via the monorail. We went on Buzz Lightyear, which Daddy seemed to really enjoy. Jack said he liked it too, but I think he was overwhelmed a bit. After that, we went to see the fireworks. We got a bad seat, but Jack didn't care. He really loved seeing what he could see. I hope we'll get a good seat on Monday night (our last night here).

Tomorrow, we do California Adventure for my birthday! We'll go back to Disneyland on Sunday, and see what happens as to where we go Monday. Jack's too short to go on Soarin', which is the one ride I really want to see in CA. Otherwise, I'm good with the Muppets, Pixar, and a bug's land. We plan on scheduling nap time tomorrow. CA closes well before DL, so we might see Fantasmic tomorrow night. 

When we got back (at 10:30 pm) an exhausted Jack said, in a plaintive voice, "I wish we lived closer to Disney."

I was struck, several times, by how much I wished I could call my mom, and how much I wanted to share with her. 

Now I have to get to bed - California Adventure awaits!
 

We're in our room at the Disneyland Hotel.
Highlights of today:

• Jack announcing, "We live at Disney!"
• Jack donning his Mickey ears as soon as we got to the hotel.
• Jack actually going into the "big pool" with me.
• Jack being brave and asking the lifeguard if he could sit with Ariel (a statue). The lifeguard said yes. So Jack climbed up and hugged Ariel.
• Finding a Nestle Tollhouse Cookie Sandwich for dessert. (I haven't had one since I moved to CA.)

Lowlights of today:

• A big rig overturning on 880, closing 3 lanes of traffic, so we had to get off the highway and try and find the airport on surface streets, and being sure that we were going to miss our flight. We literally ran onto the plane, as we got there at 1 pm for a 1:29 flight. (I guess making our flight should be a highlight too.)
• My knee is not behaving well, and I'm likely going to be out of medication before the weekend is over.
• Thinking of all the cool things I could tell my mom about Jack and Disney, only to remember a second later that I won't be telling my mom anything. I really miss her. 

I think I need a Disney icon.

• Grumpy, tired, excited 3-1/2 year old.  

This is some figuring for our trip to Disneyland. We thought we'd rent a car and drive down, that it would be cheaper. Maybe not. Let's see...

Super Shuttle: $104 round trip. This is the only option from Long Beach.
Disneyland Express: $66 round trip. Available from LAX and Orange County.

Renting a small SUV: $344
The car gets 27 mpg. Gas: $87

Virgin Air:
SFO to Orange County or LAX: $357.54 (Long Beach is not an option.)
Baggage charge: $20/bag


JetBlue:
OAK to Long Beach: $297.50 (LAX and Orange County aren't options.)
Baggage charge: None for the first bag for each passenger. Extra bags are $30/bag.

Southwest:
OAK to Orange County: $402.60
OAK to LAX: $357.60
Long Beach is not an option.
Baggage charge: None. 

SFO Parking: $14/day
OAK Parking: $16/day

Flying to Long Beach on JetBlue would cost:
104 for the shuttle
297.50 for the airfare
96 for the parking
...
$497.50

Flying to LAX or Orange County on Virgin Air would cost:
66 for the shuttle
357.54 for the airfare
80 for the baggage charge (2 bags for 3 people, round trip)
84 for the parking
...
$587.54

Flying to LAX on Southwest would cost:
66 for the shuttle
357.60 for the airfare
96 for the parking
...
$519.60

Renting a car and driving would cost:
344.13 for the car rental
87 for the gas
100 for food for 3 people for 2 days
...
$431.13

So, between flying on JetBlue and driving, there is a $66.37 difference. 

And I just remembered that we have some vouchers on JetBlue from our PA trip last year. Neither Max nor I seem to be able to find them though.

I almost titled this post "People who don't want a public option are stupid." But they're not. As far as I can tell, none of them have ever been really ill, or suffered from a disability. I'm angry, so that makes me want to say mean things. I don't really believe they're stupid. I just don't think that they understand.

Health care is not a privilege. It is a right. Even the prisoners at Alcatraz were entitled to "medical attention".

Insurance companies should not be allowed to deny anyone coverage. If they want to charge people more money because of "pre-existing conditions" then, fine, I guess. But they shouldn't be allowed to deny coverage entirely.

Medicare should be available to everyone.

Only the doctors who actually see their patients should be allowed to decide what drugs, procedures, or tests a person can have. No insurance company, or insurance company reviewer should be able to say "No, you don't get that". I don't care how experimental a treatment is. People should not be ill, in pain, or dying because a person who has never met them denies treatment. And frankly, I don't care if the operation is a bone marrow transplant or a boob job. I'd rather cover the few who want surgery to make sure that the many who need surgery get it. 

I do have a strange illness. If I wanted to use Social Security Disability Insurance, even at my worst, I would have had to fight tooth and nail. I couldn't walk, yet I wasn't technically disabled, because SSDI doesn't recognize CRPS as an illness. I had to keep my job because I needed the health benefits. Those benefits wouldn't cover my pain doctor, so I paid $100 out of pocket every time I saw him. They only covered 8 physical therapy visits, so I had to pay out of pocket to do that as well. 

It is absolute bullshit that benefits follow where you work. I've said it before - my work's health plan is woefully lacking. They won't cover my main medication, which is $800 per month. Competition isn't going to change that. Why? Because the drug is a very controlled substance that only one pharmacy in the US is allowed to carry. It's also developed by a company called "Orphan Medical" which makes drugs for uncommon diseases. CRPS and narcolepsy, which is actually what the drug is for aren't common, so no one wants to make drugs - there's no profit in it. 

We have coverage through Max's COBRA right now. If Max gets a job, it better have good benefits. He can't take a job that offers Kaiser only. (Kaiser being an HMO.) I wouldn't be able to find a doctor to treat me, and my $800 med wouldn't be covered. I'm going to have to fight to get my medication approved, because it's an off-label use. There are no drugs approved for the treatment of CRPS, despite the fact that it goes back to the American Civil War (when it was called causalgia).

I take offense at people who say it's the hypochondriacs and fakers that are driving up health care costs. Again, that's bullshit. The way the system is set up, insurance companies have to make money. They make money by denying care and coverage. So, even people who have health insurance can't get the care they need in a timely manner. I was lucky to be diagnosed within months of being injured. I was lucky that most of the procedures and drugs were covered, and that we could afford (albeit barely) to pay for the doctor and drugs that weren't. People who have cancer are being denied treatment. Jack's birthmother's son was turned away for an MRI after a seizure. He ended up having an 8 minute long seizure that has caused permanent brain damage and blindness. (She has private insurance, and Iggy had Medicaid or state insurance.)  A good friend of ours was trucked hours away from her home when she went into labor prematurely. She had to go to an "in-network" hospital with a NICU. 

Health care companies should not be allowed to operate for-profit. We need a public option. We need care like France and the UK have. There is one complaint that I've heard about the UK that does bother me - apparently, mental health care takes forever to get. We'd need to work on that. Of course, right now, US insurance companies restrict or deny mental health care as well. (And forget about physical therapy.)

Oh, and about Americans being fat and lazy. Our government subsidizes the growing of corn. Therefore, high fructose corn syrup, which is a very bad sweetener, is far cheaper than sugar, which is not nearly as damaging. HFCS has been linked to diabetes, it can contain mercury (because of how it's processed), it's stored in the body differently than regular sugar. It is truly the worst thing for us. But it's cheap, so we buy it, and we eat it. Look at the labels, and you'll see how many products have HFCS in it. Bread! 

We're also poisoning ourselves with all sorts of chemicals. Parabens and other hormone disruptors are stored in body fat. The average American gains 5 pounds per year because of parabens. 

Certainly, Americans need to exercise more, but when are we going to do that? We have one of the longest work weeks in the world (although our productivity isn't the highest). We don't offer affordable, dependable, quality child care. It's all about hurrying up and buying more. But that's a whole other post. 

And speaking of statistics, we're #180 on the infant mortality rate list. Cuba is better than we are. 

Government run health care actually makes sense if it's run right. It improves infant mortality rates, it improves the health of its citizens. We need it, and just because we have it, doesn't mean you have to use it. Even single, childless people pay for schools. We all pay for the police, the fire department, the libraries, the post office... We all pay for wars to go and kill people. Why can't we pay to make the people in our country well?

Apparently, it's Invisible Illness Week. Who knew? Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about CRPS and its side effects recently, so this meme seemed timely regardless. I'm going to try to be brief. Really. 

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/?p=2301 

0 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, aka CRPS, formerly known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, or RSD.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2003 (March 2003 first, then confirmed in May 2003)

3. But I had symptoms since: January 2003 (I was lucky to be diagnosed so "quickly".)

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: We had to move across the country. Warm, constant weather is better for CRPS.

5. Most people assume: That I let the CRPS stop me from doing things I want to do. Max makes a rather big deal out of my knee, I think. If I really want to do something, I'll do it, pain be damned. (At least, on a one-time basis.) It's not so much that there are things that I can't do - it's that there are things that I might be able to do that hurt like a bitch. 

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting into a routine time of waking up. Because I don't go to sleep at a routine time, and I take meds.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: ER, long ago. I don't watch medical shows anymore.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: I don't have any gadgets related to my illness. In general, it's my shiny MacBook Pro.

9. The hardest part about nights are: Heartburn. The nortriptylin gives me heartburn sometimes. I can sometimes avoid it by eating ice cream or something milk-like before I take it, but that doesn't always work. 

10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please): Actually, I only take 3 pills and one swig of liquid meds. When it's allergy season, I add a fourth pill. I'm very lucky. Most people with CRPS/RSD take several medications, including medications for the side effects of their medications.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Love hypnosis! I keep thinking I should find a hypnotherapist out here, but I never do. Hot tub therapy was also incredibly helpful. 

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I think I'd stick with invisible. In some ways it's harder, but I don't think I could deal with people staring. 

13. Regarding working and career: Let me tell you about what happened at Oracle sometime... it taught me that being open about an illness is not the way to go. And that set me up for my current predicament. But, I'm keeping this brief...

14. People would be surprised to know: Although I say I have nerve damage in my knee, CRPS messes with the entire nervous system. It rewrites the pathways to your brain, and causes problems like dizziness and short term memory loss.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I really can't exercise properly. I mean, I could probably do cardio kickboxing, for about a minute, but the pain would be unbearable.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Get by without traditional pain killers. I'm on two off-label drugs for pain, and got off all pain killers in January this year.

17. The commercials about my illness: Don't exist. I've seen ads in Newsweek for neuropathic pain though.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Cardio kickboxing. Seriously. I used to do it at Oracle. 

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Being thin. With my movement so limited (remember, although I can do things, pain is something I like to avoid), I'm never going to be 110 pounds again. It's incredibly difficult to manage my weight. 

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Parenting? I guess that's not a hobby. I actually had to give up scrapbooking so much because of how I have to sit. 

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: See, I feel normal a lot. I'm very lucky, blessed, or both. I'm not in constant pain anymore. I know the pain is there, on the edge, and it will come back under certain circumstances. It would be nice to be able to play tag with Jack. Running hurts too much.

22. My illness has taught me: Patience. 

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When they ask me about surgery, as in, "Why don't you have surgery to fix your knee?" Because the problem's not exactly *in* my knee, and you can't really operate on nerves. 

24. But I love it when people: Slow down. Some people walk really fast, and, even though I'm much better than I was, I still can't walk too fast without feeling the burn. 

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: There's nothing in particular. I just try to remember that there's a reason for circumstances like this, and to be patient and work through them.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Find a good pain specialist! Not an anesthesiologist, but a neurologist or similar doctor. Check out the American Foundation for Pain and find people who have what you have. Don't listen to doctors who don't know what they're talking about. 

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: That it got better. I was sure I'd never be pain-free. 

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Well, Max is always nice to me, but the one thing that comes to mind is - My friend Joanne came over right after I first diagnosed and made me lunch and just sat and talked. It was awesome! I miss Joanne. 

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I'm lucky. I found the right combination of drugs and therapy and now I'm much, much better than I thought I'd ever be. But most people with CRPS aren't lucky. They don't get diagnosed quickly enough, doctors don't understand their issues, and the pain doesn't respond to traditional drugs and therapies. It's important that people are aware that pain is a disease. 

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Content. It's nice to have friends who'll stick around for 30 questions. 

Can you recommend something else? I need something that's meant to be a budgeting program that can import the data I have in Quicken. It doesn't have to be free, but inexpensive would be nice. 

Quicken is a PITA on the Mac. I can't automatically reconcile accounts with the bank because it changes everything to "Purchase:Utilities:Internet" and "Household:Withdrawal".  

I'm not sure where it came from, but Max and I decided that Simba (from The Lion King) goes "wiggle wiggle pounce!". We have taught Jack that, starting when he was just a wee small baby. We extended that to all cats, ferrets, and occasionally other animals as well. Last night, Dino (pronounced Dye-No, not like The Flinstones' character) was "wiggle wiggle pouncing" on Jack's new blocks. When it came time to be done playing and go upstairs, Max asked for a night-night hug and kiss. Jack immediately backed away... 

Then he squatted down a bit, wiggled his bum and said, "Wiggle wiggle wiggle" and then "POUNCE" as he leapt into Max's arms.

Cutest. pounce. ever.

Later, we were reading the book of friends and family that I finally printed out. We have mollyx , jayspec , and their son in it. I asked Jack if he thought Benjamin looked like him. Jack said, "Yeah, because we have curly hair." Then he said, and I swear I didn't prompt this:

"He kind of looks like me but I look better."

I love my son. I look forward to spending more time with him.  

Yeah, I didn't think I'd fool anyone with that. (Especially given the icon and the tags.)

Max (nppyinzer ) rented Twilight for me the other night. I watched it last night (Saturday). 

Wow was that bad! I'm glad I knew beforehand. Robert Pattinson is no Edward. Sorry. I hope he gets better for New Moon. Though that is mostly Bella and Jacob, Edward has a huge role there at the beginning and end. 

The only thing that I liked better than the book was that the 3 vampires - James, Laurent, and Victoria - were going on a killing spree. The first book didn't have a lot of, you know, plot, so it was a good add-on. I also like that Laurent was black, Tyler was black, and Eric and Angela were Asian. (I don't remember ethnicities ever being discussed in the book.) Sadly, they reduced Alice and the others to virtually nil. The guy who plays Jasper looks like he may actually have been a reanimated corpse, with really bad hair. Oh, and both Pattinson and Kristen Stewart would sometimes randomly talk like they were from New York. A rich part of New York. Finally, Bella was much less intuitive this time. I liked that she figured out so much on her own in the books. 

I went to Costco and they had New Moon for $6.89. So I bought it. I saw that they didn't have Eclipse, and thought, "Oh well, I'll get it used". 

Brief interlude - my friend gave me PDFs of all of the books, but printing them out would likely cost as much in paper, ink, and time as just buying them. Plus I was in a shopping mood today. I actually bought Christmas presents for people while I was out. (Mostly, I hate shopping, so I try to be productive when I am in a shopping mood.)

Anyway, Costco didn't have Eclipse, which just came out in paperback. I moved one of the New Moons, and there was an Eclipse. For $6.89 So I have that too. Don't tell Max. (Hi Honey!) 

 Jack's Adoption Day is next week. We're getting him wooden blocks. I'm not sure which to get. I'm very into being "green" and environmentally friendly.

• Plan Toys makes their blocks from rubberwood. I can get 50 natural and colored blocks for $18.
• Melissa & Doug toys are well-regarded, but they are made in China, and they carry the Prop 65 warning, about possibly containing components that can cause cancer. I can 100 colored blocks for $18. (Neither of the other 2 sets carry the warning.)
• Maxim is a company I've never heard of that claims to be "green". I can get 100 natural and colored blocks for $19 + $9 shipping.
•  And then, there are the Happy Ville blocks. 35 for $15+shipping.

What do I get?

 Jack has recently (as in, since Sunday) become obsessed with The Lady and the Tramp. He likes the white dog - Peg. Peg sings "He's a Tramp". Jack asked me to sing it for him at bed time. So I sang...

"He's a tramp, but they love him.
Breaks a new heart, everyday.
He's a tramp, they adore  him, 
And I wish that he could travel my way."

Jack said, "No. He doesn't travel her way, she travels his way."

I said, "Oooo kkkkk" not really getting the difference.

Then I had the song stuck in my head, and I realized that the lyric is:
"I wish that I could travel his way."

So, Jack was right. My kid is a genius. 

I've been up 'til 2am most nights for the past 2 or 3 weeks. I usually work until midnight, then I do my Adoption Blogs post and read to kind of calm down. My brain is full, and though I'm insanely tired, it takes awhile to calm it down.

Last night, I was in bed and Max was awake and he started talking about something - I don't even remember what it was - when something he said reminded me of a lyric in "The Way We Were". So I started singing the song in my head to try and remember the exact phrasing. And then it totally hit from nowhere - I only know that song because I sang it at my Mom's funeral. And all of a sudden, I remembered singing. I remembered being in the church that I attended as a child and teenager. I remember looking at the back doors. Then I closed my eyes because I couldn't look anymore. Closing my eyes when I sing is a bad habit I had to grow out of in college. It's like, the emotion of what I'm singing builds up and spills over, so I try to keep it in. 

I remember hearing my voice echo through the church. I belt. And frankly, I'm good at it. I remember being proud that I did a good job here. (I sucked when I sang at my Grandpa's funeral, and that still makes me ashamed.) 

So I was remembering singing and other things about the funeral. And I just started crying. Then Jack called "Mudder" and Max and I both went to him. He needed to pee. I actually love that my child woke up at 2 am to pee. I sat with him for awhile, but then I just started to cry so much.

I didn't stop for about half an hour.

The lyric was "If we had the chance to do it all again, would we? Could we?" 

I picked the song because Barbra Streisand sung it, but it really was apropos. 

I just want to give my Mom another hug. Just one more. Life is so very strange without her.  

We're playing Incredibles (with Jack dressed in his Incredibles pjs) and Max is Mr. Incredible. We went to my office to fight the Omni Droid. Mr. Incredible says, "Where is something I can punch?"

Without missing a beat, Jack goes to the craft table, picks up my dragonfly shape maker and says, "Here's a punch!"

Max replied, "We're not going to top that tonight. We all have to go to bed now."

So, I was contemplating whether or not to watch Twilight, the movie. Many people I trust said it was not good. I was thinking, "If only there were some way I could see a preview or something..."

Umm... yeah... sometimes I'm not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

I found some movie clips pretty easily, of course. I watched  a part of the fight scene, which I liked, and then I watched where Bella tells Edward she knows he's a vampire. I get why they moved it from the car to the forest, but I hated that it was completely different than in the book. I'm also really not sure about the movie Edward - Rob Pattinson. 

I saw the trailer for New Moon and it looks atrocious. The wolf effect sucked.

I am going to try and do my first-ever Live Journal poll:
Poll #1436636 Twilight the Movie
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

Should I watch Twilight, the movie?

<input ... > 

 Costco is having a sale on this:
http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?whse=BC&topnav=&prodid=11478563&ec=BC-EC877-CatHome&pos=20&lang=en-US

In case the link doesn't work, it's a $1500 play structure for $999. It's made out of Southern Yellow Pine. I'm not sure that's environmentally friendly. 

I really want something from here:
http://www.cedarworks.com/

But that all is really expensive.

We have a HUGE backyard. Jack has a Little Tykes play structure - a plastic thing with a tunnel and 2 slides. I so want him to have a real play structure. I want to take the bit of money we got and put some of it towards that. BUT - we're going to Disneyland. And our fence is falling down. And we owe on a credit card and to Max's former employers. It's not at all prudent to get a play structure.

But I want one. 

If Mom were alive, and I asked her, she'd probably buy Jack a play structure. Not that she could afford it either. That was how much she would spoil Jack. But because I knew she'd do it, I'd never ask her. I never did. 

I need an endless supply of money. Seriously.

 S left Abusive Boyfriend. Again. She's with her mom. Today was Iggy's 5th birthday.

I'm out of "official" Twilight content to read, so I've found myself perusing some fan fiction. First time I've ever read anything of the sort, and I was an ST:TNG fan. (Actually, I still am, but that's another post.) I've read a couple of surprisingly good stories. I just read an hilariously bad one. The person who wrote it is a smug SOB. Sometimes, he really was trying to get it (the Stephenie Meyer voice, such as it is) right, but sometimes, he was just so off... and then there were some intentionally funny lines. Really, anything that Emmett ever says or thinks in most contexts is going to be funny.

I've been thinking a lot about Harry Potter over the past few days. My thoughts on the Goblet of Fire movie are well-documented. I actually kind of liked Order of the Phoenix though. Which made me think of my opinions of the books as related to my opinions of the movies.

Harry Potter books, most favorite to least favorite:

1. Sorcerer's Stone (of course)
2. Chamber of Secrets
3. Goblet of Fire
4. Prisoner of Azkaban
5. Deathly Hallows
6. Order of the Phoenix
7. Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter movies, most favorite to least favorite:

1. Prisoner of Azkaban
2. Sorcerer's Stone
3. Order of the Phoenix
4. Chamber of Secrets
5. Goblet of Fire

So, perhaps I would like Half Blood Prince, the movie, because I dislike the book so much. 

In other news, I hate how LiveJournal behaves with Safari. I just hate it. Hate hate hate hate hate.

I need to go to bed now.